trickshot's Xanga

only the good die young

Wed, 07 May 2008 18:44:02 GMT

a professor and friend of mine had a heart attack and died last night while traveling for a conference. i think he was in his early 40s, and i just found out he had a son. tragic. he was a very talented engineer, very practical and knowledgeable, a good scientist, a good teacher, and a good man. i just had lunch with him a couple of weeks ago, which i guess will be the last time i saw him. i'll miss him very much.

it really brings home to me how fragile life is, how we never know when the ride is going to be over, and how little time we have on this planet.

travel and a tough decision

Sat, 22 Mar 2008 21:11:45 GMT

i spent the beginning of last week in palo alto, and the beginning of this week in berkeley. both were really excellent trips, and i learned a lot. the purpose of the trips was, of course, to visit places where i might do my Ph.D. starting in the fall.

in the end, it was a difficult and rather painful decision. i've never really had to tell anyone "no" before, at least not like this. getting into college was not the same, it didn't affect anyone personally that i declined an offer from one school and accepted an offer from another. after graduation, the one other interview process i had going just kind of stopped, and i accepted another job offer and headed for japan. after japan, i only applied to one school, and they accepted me. i found my current advisor, and didn't have to say "no" to anybody else.

a Ph.D. is different, though. it's not like i can apply to only one place (since programs are very competitive), and in my case i knew and liked all of the people i would be working with. knowing and liking everyone is what made things so difficult: in the end, i could only choose one school and one person. i picked the experienced person in the familiar place...i think it was the right decision, but it still sucks because i really would have liked to help the other person build her career (which is just beginning).

this is a bit of a bittersweet moment in my life, really. i have the chance of a lifetime in this Ph.D. program, which is very exciting, but in order to seize that chance i had to give up another equally attractive and rare opportunity. in the process, i had to disappoint a very cool person who had invested a lot of time and effort into me.

i suppose i should count myself lucky that i haven't really had to make a choice like this until now. i'm sure it won't be the last time, either. i'd like to think that the fact that i spend so much time thinking and agonizing about it means that i feel compassion...but then i get to thinking that maybe life would be simpler if i were a heartless bastard.

anyway, i'll be back at stanford in the fall. hooray!

the latest crazy idea

Sat, 16 Feb 2008 19:12:10 GMT

as soon as i get my thesis off (in two days...) i'm starting in on my post-thesis reading list. (oh yeah...i have a presentation and poster to make, too...details.)

the purpose?

research for a book. a book i want to write with the help of one of my former dormmates who happens to be a rather talented economist.

hopefully the book will be completed before i start in on my non-profit organization.

i know, it's all a bit far-fetched...but a guy's gotta have dreams, right?

on another note, in march i should know the specifics of the next few years--i'll be visiting california to get the final word on Ph.D. programs. hooray!

a busy summer, a busy semester: looking back

Sun, 06 Jan 2008 03:15:45 GMT

i realized i haven't updated this blog in months. i suppose i really haven't had the time to. i guess this will be my first post of 2008.

my report from the summer is still not done, though hopefully that will change in the next few days. we got good results, though, and people were generally pleased with my work, i think. that's always a good feeling. the last few days of summer were spent in santa barbara at jen's wedding, reuniting with her and friends from japan who came over for the ceremony. it was a busy time.

over the course of this semester i presented at two conferences, taught a section of an environment/agriculture class, took two classes (soil microbiology and statistics/data analysis) and two seminars, went to seattle to visit my sister-in-law, and attended another wedding in lindsborg, kansas. plus, i spent a few days working at the stanford synchrotron radiation laboratory in menlo park, CA...THAT was also excellent.

speaking of stanford, in the past month or so i've finished up my applications for Ph.D. programs. now i'm just waiting to hear back. i've got my fingers crossed, hopefully things will go well and i can return to the bay area. wish me luck.

now that i'm done with classes for my MS program, i've just got a bunch of writing and preparation to do in the next month or two. the early march thesis defense is already looming!

if anybody still reads this blog, feel free to take a moment and let me know how you're doing. things here are okay, i'm just feeling out of shape and icky, but otherwise just moving along!

on a slightly more serious note, sometimes lately i can't help but think about mortality. since last spring i'm constantly reminded of how much i love this life, and yet also how fragile and brief it is. i'm reminded that one day, my loved ones won't be here. one day, i won't be here...and nobody knows what happens after this life. we all have beliefs and theories, but nobody knows. that's a pretty scary feeling, if you think about it.

...then in the end, i usually bury these thoughts and remind myself that in any case, my business on this planet is that of living. living, and doing a bit of good (whatever good i can) while i'm here. it's always good to keep that in mind, right? and comforting, in a way. in any case, hope you all are doing well!

anniversaries...

Mon, 10 Sep 2007 01:39:22 GMT

yup, one year ago today.

go...see...stardust

Sat, 11 Aug 2007 03:13:26 GMT

'nuff said.

what a fun movie.

i'm definitely buying it on DVD when it comes out. and i'm not sad about paying for the ticket to see it in the theater. in fact, i'll gladly pay for another.

alright, who's been passing my name around?

Sat, 28 Jul 2007 05:00:12 GMT

...whoever it is, thanks

i got contacted by a recruiter this week for a certain company.

i'm not exactly in the job market right now, but it's still very exciting and it's gotten me thinking again.

maybe if it's for this company, i could go into the corporate world for a bit...although to be honest i doubt they have that much need for environmental scientists. i could be wrong, who knows?

i have been wrong before, after all. once or twice, maybe.

the future

Sun, 22 Jul 2007 06:15:05 GMT

...is a funny thing.

i wonder what it will bring?

gotta start thinking about it. PhD application time coming up.

sigh.

how are you out there in internet-land, my three readers?

work and life update...

Sat, 30 Jun 2007 06:28:28 GMT

three weeks down...i'm actually ahead of schedule, which is miraculous (and nice).

a bit of explanation: i'm working on a project this summer with a friend of mine in the government. we're doing a survey and analysis of a particular waste-to-energy system at wastewater treatment plants (and probably intensive livestock operations) in a six-state region. the people are good and the project is fun. the work environment leaves something to be desired, but i can live through it for another month or so. the good project and good people make work alright.

it's been pretty good, i've learned a LOT of different things, gotten to tour some facilities, picked up some computer skills (i can make a database application now, sorta)...good times.

today i even made a bit of a breakthrough on the statistical analysis side of the project, too. and i can't tell you how many hundreds of pages of stuff i've read over the past few days. anyway, i think it will end up being a fairly decent technical report.

i picked my parents up from the airport tonight, they were out of town for a week. it's nice to have them back home...but man are the airport rent-a-cops annoying! rude, too.

anyway, i'll finish this post with my latest discovery, some fantastic beer:

http://www.averybrewing.com/BigBeers/seasonal/MephistophelesStout

the latest batch is 16.03% alcohol by volume, by the way, not 15.1%. knocks you flat on your ass, but tastes REALLY good. well worth the $7/bottle price tag.

on a happier note...a great song

Thu, 31 May 2007 03:54:29 GMT

Live a life less ordinary
Live a life extraordinary with me
Live a life less sedentary
Live a life evolutionary with me
Well I hate to be a bother,
But it's you and there's no other, I do believe
You can call me naive but...
I know me very well (at least as far as I can tell)
And I know what I need

The night you came into my life
Well it took the bones of me, took the bones of me
You blew away my storm and strife
And shook the bones of me, shook the bones of me
By the way, I do know why you stayed away...
I will keep tongue-tied next time

Live a life less ordinary
Live a life extraordinary with me
My face had said too much
Before our hands could even touch
To greet a 'hello'
(So much for going slow...)
A little later on that year
I told you that I loved you dear
What do you know?
This you weren't prepared to hear
I'm a saddened man, I'm a broken boy
I'm a toddler with a complex toy
I've fallen apart, since the ambush of your heart

The night you came into my life
Well it took the bones of me, took the bones of me
You blew away my storm and strife
And shook the bones of me, shook the bones of me.
By the way, I do know why you stayed away
I will keep tongue-tied but...

Honey understand, honey understand
I won't make demands
Honey understand, honey understand
We could walk without a plan.
Honey understand (honey), honey understand
I won't rest in stone all alone
Honey understand, honey understand
I'm all ready to go
But you already know...

Live a life less ordinary
Live a life extraordinary with me.
If I could name you in this song
Would it make you smile and sing along?
This is the goal: to get into your soul
If I could make you dance for joy
Could that be the second-chance decoy?
The bird-in-hand I would need
To help you understand?

The night you came into my life
well it took the bones of me, took the bones of me
You blew away my storm and strife
And shook the bones of me, shook the bones of me
By the way, I do know why you stayed away
I will keep tongue-tied next time