| | i spent the beginning of last week in palo alto, and the beginning of this week in berkeley. both were really excellent trips, and i learned a lot. the purpose of the trips was, of course, to visit places where i might do my Ph.D. starting in the fall.
in the end, it was a difficult and rather painful decision. i've never really had to tell anyone "no" before, at least not like this. getting into college was not the same, it didn't affect anyone personally that i declined an offer from one school and accepted an offer from another. after graduation, the one other interview process i had going just kind of stopped, and i accepted another job offer and headed for japan. after japan, i only applied to one school, and they accepted me. i found my current advisor, and didn't have to say "no" to anybody else.
a Ph.D. is different, though. it's not like i can apply to only one place (since programs are very competitive), and in my case i knew and liked all of the people i would be working with. knowing and liking everyone is what made things so difficult: in the end, i could only choose one school and one person. i picked the experienced person in the familiar place...i think it was the right decision, but it still sucks because i really would have liked to help the other person build her career (which is just beginning).
this is a bit of a bittersweet moment in my life, really. i have the chance of a lifetime in this Ph.D. program, which is very exciting, but in order to seize that chance i had to give up another equally attractive and rare opportunity. in the process, i had to disappoint a very cool person who had invested a lot of time and effort into me.
i suppose i should count myself lucky that i haven't really had to make a choice like this until now. i'm sure it won't be the last time, either. i'd like to think that the fact that i spend so much time thinking and agonizing about it means that i feel compassion...but then i get to thinking that maybe life would be simpler if i were a heartless bastard.
anyway, i'll be back at stanford in the fall. hooray!
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| | Posted 3/22/2008 4:11 PM - 55 Views - 6 eProps - 4 comments
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